BUY & TBR LINKS
I didn’t flinch when I read my husband’s Facebook profile and learned Orlando Bloom is his all time fav actor. After all, Ryan is an actor and Orlando Bloom has a good body of work. I even remained calm when Ryan wrote about that body, citing Orlando’s hotness in pirate wear. Okay, maybe this was a warning sign, but one could argue that Ryan appreciates how costume design impacts a film.Sure, there were other signs...all ignored. In fact, it wasn’t until I found his porn stash, with not so much as one breast in the mix, that I realized my rationalizations ceased to be rational. If only I had discovered Ryan in bed with a leggy blonde, even two, I could have managed. His revelation, on the other hand, gave me reason to doubt the existence of a higher being.“April, we need to talk,” he said gravely.Talk. When people mention four-letter words that one rarely comes to mind, but in my experience it’s just as toxic as the others. Case in point was this particular morning when Ryan sat me down in front of a steamy cappuccino and an obscenely large sticky bun. I regarded the bun with suspicion. I was a week shy of PMS and therefore not in need of carbs, and yet, here I was faced with a definite sign that some serious buttering up, apologizing, or pleading would occur. He obviously assumed (correctly) that artificial support would be needed.“April, my life, actually...our lives, are about to change,” he continued once I had taken a healthy bite.“You’re auditioning for a movie? Oh my gosh, I knew this day would come,” I said hopefully, if not a bit naively. What can you expect from a girl voted “Most Gullible” of her high school graduating class?Ryan treaded lightly, “Honey, it’s something different. Call it a change of heart, but I’ve decided that I’m gay.”“Gay? As in happy?”“No, not exactly, at least not yet. Here, have some more,” he said pinching off a piece of the bun and popping it into my mouth that now hung open.I swallowed hard. “How is this possible? We just had sex last night?”“Yeah, I wanted to be sure. You gotta admit, we sure gave it the ol’ college try.”“I’d say. We did it twice!”“Just wanted to be 100%. April, sweetie, don’t blame yourself. Listen, we’ll talk later. I’m going to be late.”After delivering this verbal right hook, Ryan apologized for the “bad news” and left to start his day.